Much Ado About Nothing

I consider myself a fairly upbeat person.  I believe that most people are innately good and are not always looking out for number one.  I tend to trust - maybe overly so - people at their word.  Negativity in others irritates me; in myself causes self-deprecation.  I try really hard to not let the little things get to me and I consider most things little.  Life is too short to be miserable. I know that everybody has bad moments, trials, tribulations, and poor luck.  How we deal with these moments often determines how well those moments turn out in the end and how long the moment affects us.  When we attempt to shoulder the burdens alone, we are dragged longer and deeper into despair. When we share our frustrations with others, we find unexpected ideas and methods for coping and possibly solving the problem. "Others" may be a licensed therapist, a certified counselor, a degreed professional.  Some problems need that kind of company.  Most of...

Not many Superbowl Halftime Shows get much publicity once the show is over. Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction was probably the last major snafu to cause an uproar.  This unfortunately isn't an indication that fashion faux pas are few and far between.  But for the most part, the unclad music celebrities keep their immodesty sequestered to shows where the paying guests know the risk they take when they buy the tickets.  The Superbowl is a family affair.  For some it is a huge party attended by football or food lovers of all ages. For others it is a more intimate affair. The Superbowl has had over 100 million viewers each of the last 3 years.  It stands to reason that a fair percentage of those viewers were children.  I have two daughters who chose to play outside on the tire swing during the halftime show. The 8 year old has a keen sense of fashion and has her mother's fetish for shoes. The 7 year old still wears sweaters with sho...

I spent the day with my 4th grader's class on a field trip.  I had requested the day off of work as I often feel that my son misses out on mommy time as I am too regularly focused on my 3rd grade daughter who has been going through a clingy stage for about 2 years now.  In some ways, she is actually easier to figure out.  I know she always wants me around and asks days in advance about which days I have off so that she can request that I have breakfast with her or spend the whole day.  Last year I spent equal amounts of time between her class and Little Bit.  Nicholas rarely asked for me to come to his class and I suspected that he was figuring out how much independence he wanted.  Occassionally I would catch a glimpse that he needed me more than he was willing to admit.  And since he was in the same building as the girls, it was easy for me to slip into his class to let him know I was around without crowding or embarrassing him.  This year he mov...

Today my baby turns 7.  Rachel wasn't due for another week but quite honestly I was tired of being pregnant.  She was my last pregnancy and an unexpected one at that.  After Cierra had been born we looked into permanent prevention.  We decided that Neil would undergo the necessary procedure as it was less invasive and quicker recovery.  Everything was set but on the day he was to go in, his blood pressure was too high and the doctor chose not to perform the procedure.  A few months later I took a trip to visit a friend, came home to an anxious husband, and ended up pregnant.  This began a whirlwind of changes in our lives. Quickly, the house became too small, as were the cars, the paychecks, and my patience.  In fact, the only thing getting bigger was my belly.  We considered adding on to the house, but decided that the inconvenice of "under construction" would not bode well with the "under construction" my body was already dealing with....

It's an unspoken rule.  No, it's a rule I have spoken many times in my life.  Especially since becoming a mom.  Mom's aren't allowed to get sick.  We don't have time to be sick.  Our children will suffer horrible lives if we get sick.  The world as they know it will end.  And yet, as much as I chant this mantra, I am fighting with getting sick.  The "New Flu" hit early last week. Both Neil and Cierra spent Sunday night tagteaming the toilet.  I finally moved to the couch.  My one day to sleep in (MLK Day meant no school for the kids and I wasn't supposed to work) turned into a sleepless night and I had to go to work anyway to cover a co-worker's shift who had also succumbed to the flu or the cold or herpes.  Not sure exactly, but it meant that I was now facing day 3 of 10 work days in a row.  Day 3 isn't that bad, except that it was accompanied by sick family members who wanted to be taken care of.  I can do this. I'm the ...

My heart hurts.  When I logged on to Facebook today, the first post I saw was about the passing of a friend's mother.  Her parents had been visiting and on their way back were in a head-on collision.  Her father and the other driver walked away unharmed. Her mother was killed.  As I read my friend's words, I felt such sorrow for her loss.  She is a member of the LDS Church and both she and her parents have an understanding of the plan of salvation which includes eternal life where families are forever.  And I know she has felt some peace as the Holy Ghost has comforted her over the last two days.  But I also sense her pain which only time can ease. I never met her parents.  I haven't seen her in close to ten years.  We lost touch then found each other on Facebook last year.  She doesn't post often and we haven't talked personally.  I couldn't understand why this impacted me so much.  But each time I receive a notification tha...

On December 14, 2012 an elementary school in Connecticut was attacked viciously and lives were changed forever.  On December 14, 2012 everybody seemed to have a theory on how this might have been prevented.  On December 14, 2012 global awareness was raised on a number of subjects.  On December 14, 2012 I was at work and only heard tidbits of information as customers mentioned what had happened, what had been reported, and chimed in with their own theories.  In the following days more rhetoric was spewed and posts abounded on Facebook. News stories continued to report versions of the truth.  In church that following Sunday we were informed that one of the victims was a member of the LDS Church and that the father had made a statement.  The sister teaching Relief Society had known the parents of that child individually prior to them having been married and creating a family.  And in the end I found myself turned off by it all.  I don't want to sound...

It's been awhile. Two years actually since I have blogged anything.  I do not use gmail as a regular email so I was lucky to remember my password.  I was lucky to remember my actual address name.  Google wanted me to update and upgrade and I wasn't sure how long the process would be to actually get to the blogging part.  To my relief, I made it to this point rather quickly and painlessly.  It was also a bit of a relief to realize that I am not the only one who has been remiss in keeping the blog-fire going. In the past two years we have seen many things change and many more stay the same.  Mostly I have discovered that I am still a work in progress.  I turned 43 this year.  I thought that at this point in my life I would have most things figured out.  I would have grown up, chosen a career, raised my family, and become a stalwart member of society.  Instead I began questioning everything I thought I believed.  I believed that I ...

Moving is always a fun discovery process. You unpack the important things first then slowly get around to a box here and a box there. I have a general idea of what is in the remaining boxes and there's no real rush in getting to them, but one of my children needed a box for a school project so I grabbed one that I knew would be easy to reassign the resting place for its contents. It was a box of books. Unlike other boxes of books, this was a combination of a variety of genres, uses, and owners. The kids books I shoved onto a bookshelf that had just enough room. The Tai Chi manual went in my headboard with other self-improvement manuals. The books I picked up from the church bookstore were stored with other prospective Christmas presents. And the remaining books were journals. One was still empty. Another was the one I used to write talks I had given in church. The third was actually complete, covering my college years. The last was a gratitude journal I started in 2005. ...

I really need to carry around a tape recorder to capture these moments. Yesterday afternoon Rachel and I were leaving to pick up the kids from school. While I fought with my front door, she waited by the car and watched as our across-the-street neighbor came home and two small dogs exited the car. As we got into our car, she explained to me how she needed a small dog who could ride in the suburban with her. I just nodded and tried to focus on driving. As I drove, I realized that she was very intent on getting this puppy wish. She was singing. The song was being made up as she went along but focused completely on her desire for a small dog who would do what she told it to. I was rather impressed by her ability to perform an impromptu aria and she has very good tone quality as well. Of course she is now embarrassed when I tell other people about her song and quickly hushes me up with the explanation that "It's a secret."

This week was short and seemed to go by too quickly. With Thanksgiving on Thursday, the kids only had three days of school and then lazed about the rest of the weekend. I actually enjoy these types of weekends. The only downside was that Neil had to work both Friday and Saturday so we couldn't laze together. Monday was just school. I cancelled Cub Scouts as the charter school had a field trip that day. Tuesday was more school and Rachel and I went by a half-price book store and sold a bunch of movies and books that we didn't need or have room for anymore. Not really a great sale as the 8 boxes of stuff only brought in $30.00. But that was enough to pay for the pies and whipped cream needed for Thanksgiving dinner. Wednesday the high school had a half day and Aaron went to a friend's house and spent the night. I got a call from friends of ours needing Neil and I to go pick up a car for them from an auction lot. So when Neil got home from work we headed out to Tolles...

They say youth is wasted on the young. All that energy and excitement for life with no actual purpose. As we get older, we find purpose (hopefully) but seem to lose the energy needed to achieve everything that seems to be so important. Then the body starts to undermine our mind's desire for success. It starts with more noticeable aches and pains after limited exercise. The easy trek around the park leaves us gasping for breath while our little ones run circles around us. The eyesight also seems to be a favorite area which old age attacks. These glasses are just for reading ... road signs and billboards. The evening news big story was about President Obama needing twelve stitches. Apparently he also was victimized by aging. A friendly family pick up game of basketball turned painful; I can't help but wonder if his trip to the emergency room today was just embarrassing as he realized that even fame and money can't protect you from getting older. Last weekend Neil dec...

Something Which You Hope To Do This I can't narrow down to just one thing. I have a lot of things I want to do that I haven't yet. Some are just dreams with a sense of maybe, some are actual goals I am working towards, and some are idealistic wants with no realistic sense of being able to accomplish. You can try to figure out which falls in which category :D 1. Complete my bachelor's degree. 2. Run for President of the United States. 3. Travel to the Greek Islands. 4. Visit Iceland with my husband. 5. Go sky diving. 6. Write a novel. 7. Learn to play the piano well. 8. Meet the Awesome Ones IRL. 9. Take my family to Disneyland. 10. Win the lottery. Maybe if I can accomplish #10, I will turn fantasy to reality a lot quicker for some of the other nine.

I have noticed a number of my friends posting each day this month something for which they are grateful in their status. I think that is a wonderful way to start each day and I hope that once Thanksgiving is over, they will continue to give thanks each day. In the October General Conference of the LDS Church, President Monson addressed the saints under the title "The Divine Gift of Gratitude." I wonder how many people consider gratitude a gift, much less one that is divine. Gratitude is generally thought of as a verb. An action we engage in to express in either words or actions our thanks for the actions, words, or gifts of another. However, when thought of as a noun, gratitude becomes a gift to us from God. President Monson expounded on this idea in his address and as I read over it earlier this week, I was struck by a couple of thoughts. 1. The story of the ten lepers. Those familiar with this biblical story remember that when Christ was on the earth, he was approac...

If you aren't aware of what Mad Libs are, they are basically stories in which you fill in the blanks with the appropriate part of speech without actually seeing the story. What could be a story about a fun night out turns into an adventure involving dinosaurs and flying toasters. I loved them as a child and love that my own children are finding joy in their silliness now. We have a new family tradition. Each day I write a mad lib. It's generally a paragraph long with 5-7 words to fill in. Sometimes I come up with my own ideas, sometimes I steal from the entertainment section or classified ads of the paper. What I love about it is that my kids want to do this, it's not me forcing fun upon them for my own entertainment.

Something for Which You Need to Forgive Someone There is one person in my life whom I need to forgive. Unfortunately, I have not yet reached the point of being able to do so. Because this person is an intricate part of my life, and the hurt continues on a regular basis, I am fearful of forgiving because I do not know that it would be sincere at this point. I want to forgive and I want to be able to let my guard down around this person. I want to know that once I forgive, I will not have to be concerned of the hurt being repeated. I know that my forgiving is not requisite on the person asking for forgiveness, and I don't know that this person will ever take responsibility for the hurt caused. And right now, I'm not sure that I can truly forgive. Maybe because I've done so in the past and the hurt has continued. I don't hang onto the anger and pain caused, but each time the hurt occurs, all the past pain comes back and magnifies the current hurt. I am hopeful tha...

Another week come and gone. I've not been 100% at posting every day, but I'm pretty close. I missed yesterday because I had some great ideas but by the time I settled on my topic, I was exhausted and went to bed early. Monday was my day to help out at the middle school. I enjoy this time interacting with students and adults. Rachel stays with a friend who has two children at home then meets me at the charter school for scouts. While waiting with Daniel for the younger kids to get out of school, I chatted with the duty aide. She is LDS and a member of our ward. Daniel was surprised and asked why he never saw her there. She admitted to being inactive then shared with my her family history which led to her decision to not be involved actively with the church. She did marry an LDS man and they raised their children in the church. They are all active and try to get her to come back. She knows that her reasons really have nothing to do with the gospel, but with the culture...

Something For Which You Need to Forgive Yourself I've done some stupid things in my life. In immature moments I have hurt others for selfish reasons. For the most part I have tried to make amends where possible and can only hope that those who I've affected can forgive and, if not forget, at least move on. But there is one thing that comes back to haunt me every once in a while for which I cannot make amends and so I must forgive myself. After graduating high school, I got a job at McDonald's. It became a secondary job as I worked to get myself through college. I was able to work at the Air Force Base during the day and McDonald's at night. Because I went out of state for college, I was lucky to have this job waiting for me at Christmas break and during the summers. After I graduated, I continued working at McDonald's. It was a fun job and throughout all my time I worked every shift available. Those who remember me from way back when will agree that I was, for the m...

I love Christmas. I love the music, the decorations, the baking, the traditions. I love how the world seems more giving and more forgiving. Society turns to service and goodwill to all men. Jesus Christ becomes more important and religion is more acceptable even to atheists. I'm not a scrooge, but I am beginning to dislike Christmas immensely. The store displays have skipped right over Thanksgiving (I guess not many people actually decorate for this holiday) and are already piping Christmas music to all departments. The infamous Black Friday has apparently started already. Retailers are doing all in their power to get people spending money right now. I get it. The economy has hurt them as much as it has affected individual lives. But I feel pushed into buying things I don't want or need. Gift giving has become an expectation rather than a delightful surprise. I know I'm not the only one who is noticing this and I have a friend who is so discouraged that she has p...

I woke up with a sore throat so after getting all the kids to seminary and school, I came home and decided to make myself some hot chocolate. I always end up making the water too hot so I have it sitting on the end table cooling down as I stay busy with general housework. Rachel comes out and sees my cup sitting on the table. Rachel: Can I have some of your hot chocolate? Me: Sure. Rachel: Did you put milk in it? Me: Yes. Rachel (after picking up the cup): I think it would be better with a straw. What kinds of straws do we have? (Note: I often pick up extra straws from various fast food restaurants and occassionally buy packs of straws from the store. Additionally, some cups we have purchased came with straws and those crazy straws always seem to come home from birthday parties.) Me: I'm not sure we have any straws left. Rachel: Of course we do!