It's a Guy Thing

Being married twice and having four males children in the house, I have learned that there are a few things that guys can do that seem to elude the female abilities. It's not that we physically aren't equipped, nor is it because we don't want to do them based on the disgusting nature of the talent. There are plenty of things that fall into those categories.

I have been sick and while the majority of the symptoms have finally left my body, I am left with phlegm. It seems to creep up my throat and just sit there in the back of my mouth waiting for an opportunity to choke me. I've never been much of a spitter. I do not randomly hock a loogie. However, this is the type of phlegm that cannot be swallowed back down in hopes that it will seek another exit or dissolve itself into my other bodily fluids. It must be coughed up and spit out. The main problem is that it chooses the most inopportune times for wanting to gag me. While I sit at the computer typing, I can get up and run to the bathroom sink to spit up the latest attack. However, the phlegm tends to wait until I am driving somewhere before it plans a sneak attack.

I have gotten better at dredging the mucous out of my throat and spitting it down the drain. In an odd sort of way, it's fun to see how thick the particular glob of phlegm is, though not as much fun having to actually touch it because it was so thick it stuck to the sink. I have not yet gotten the hang of long distance hocking. And it's not like I'm trying to set any world records, but I cannot manage the distance from the driver's seat position out the driver's window. And I definitely do not spit while actually driving. If under attack, I will cough up the intruder and hold it in my mouth until I come to a complete stop. I then open the car door and spit it out onto the ground.

My husband watched in wonder this morning as I performed this ritual. He asked why I didn't just lean my head out the window and spit. Two reasons - one I'm not that tall so even the effort to lean out would leave me short the distance needed to get the spit outside of the car. I do not want to have thick phlegm running down the inside or outside the car door. Two - I have long hair. Not really long hair, but it's not the flattop he sports. This means that there is a good possibility that in the effort of hocking the loogie out, the wind would snatch it and throw it back into my face or worse, into my hair which would then smear it across my face. He said he understood, but he laughed at me anyway.

Yeah, it's a guy thing.