On Marriage: Let's call the whole thing off

-
This is not actually my title - it is the title of an article found on MSN today. The author has determined to end her 20 year marriage. She had an affair and decided she didn't want to put the effort into falling back in love with her husband. The article, though, is more about whether or not marriage is still relevant. Apparently, marriage made sense 100 years ago when much of the world was agricultural and a large family was neccessary for the success of the family business. Today though we have Merry Maids, landscaping businesses, white-collar jobs, and fast food restaurants. Single parenthood isn't so unusual - in fact it's probably become the rule instead of the exception. And procreating isn't really a necessity either.

Some people shouldn't have children. I'm probably one of the them. Ask my mother. My sisters were the ones who wanted large families. My oldest sister was going to have 20 children - adoption was part of the plan. She has two - a girl who just turned 16 and a boy who will be 18 in August. In my mind's eye, they are still 7 and 5. Me, on the other hand, ended up with a total of 7. Actually 8 if you count my husband. Most days I do. I think I'm a good mom. I've seen worse. I've heard of better, but can't say I've actually witnessed any super-moms.

Religiously, I had to get married to have kids. Realistically, I'm a much better mom than I am a wife. I admit it's nice having a second set of eyes and hands around to manage the kids but not necessary. Besides, I have a 14-year-old son who can be that second set pretty well. What does that mean for me? I'm not sure yet. I believe in the institution of marriage but not because of how it works to my advantage in this life. I don't buy the whole "in love" thing either. It's nice to have that, but there has to be more. Being "in love" isn't sufficient for the marriage to survive.

I want a partner and I want to be a partner. It's nice to be loved, but I want to be respected and honored and trusted. I want to be relevant.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hump Day

-
Compared to yesterday, today was relatively quiet. I got Nick's and the girls' rooms cleaned up. I also made some headway on some of my school work and finally got my classroom observation scheduled for this course. The public schools have half days tomorrow and Friday so with Aaron home to watch the girls, I can go observe a science lesson at the charter school. I've been trying to actually make healthy dinners without too much leftover. Monday we ended up finally throwing out a bunch of leftovers that just were not getting eaten. We had one pot of what had started out as beef chunks over rice. Over the weeks, leftover veggies, meat, and potatoes had gotten added to the mix. So even on the days is was being eaten, it ended up gaining more than was consumed. In my defense, it was not me who added the additional stuff to the pot. Yesterday I experimented with pork chops. I took the boneless chops, rolled them in italian seasoning, sliced them down the middle, but not all the...
Read more

Week Ending 7/5/09

-
Summer has hit Phoenix. We were lucky that most of June was relatively nice especially being out in the sun for day camp. Now camp is over and we are trying to get the kids back on a regular schedule. Last week was a transition week as we tried to convince our bodies that we no longer had to stay up until midnight. We actually made it to church on time today so it must be working. Speaking of church, we've had a change in bishopric. Our new bishop was the previous 2nd counselor and having worked with him through the various callings over which he was my mentor, I am still having troubles calling him "bishop" rather than by his first name. It also doesn't help that he looks like he's 15 years younger than me and my perception of him is more of a younger brother than the father of our ward. I never thought I was resilient to change - in fact, I was always wanting to move a lot when I was younger and thought it rather unfair that my father had chosen a profession wit...
Read more

30 Days of Truth - Day 4

-
Something for Which You Need to Forgive Someone There is one person in my life whom I need to forgive. Unfortunately, I have not yet reached the point of being able to do so. Because this person is an intricate part of my life, and the hurt continues on a regular basis, I am fearful of forgiving because I do not know that it would be sincere at this point. I want to forgive and I want to be able to let my guard down around this person. I want to know that once I forgive, I will not have to be concerned of the hurt being repeated. I know that my forgiving is not requisite on the person asking for forgiveness, and I don't know that this person will ever take responsibility for the hurt caused. And right now, I'm not sure that I can truly forgive. Maybe because I've done so in the past and the hurt has continued. I don't hang onto the anger and pain caused, but each time the hurt occurs, all the past pain comes back and magnifies the current hurt. I am hopeful tha...
Read more